You’re so rich, why won’t your wife f*ck you?

You feel like an “imposter in [your] own success” because at home it’s like the “ice cave.” - as one investor told me.

You worked the startup grind for years before the exit that set you up for life - only to find that now your marriage feels like a failing startup.

Or, in the words of a successful entrepreneur who works with the world’s top performers: 

“I became successful because I thought that’s what it was all about. I thought it was about providing. I would get into an argument and go to work, my safe space. I could control it. But then my relationship suffered and it was scary as shit. I was facing the pain of being alone, and suddenly none of that [success] mattered.”

Here's what happened: The relentless execution mode that built your company is what's killing your marriage. You optimized for the wrong metrics.

Now you have time and money -  but what she wants is connection beyond the physical.

The stakes are high:

• Divorce can cost $100K-$1M for high-net-worth individuals
• Relationship stress impacts decision-making and business performance
• Your kids are learning dysfunctional relationship models

Look, the reality is, this is a systems problem, not a personal failing.

You were sold the idea that financial success and ‘providing’ is all you need in order to get the girl (well, maybe some visible abs, too).

And there’s a grain of truth in that.

It is attractive to be financially stable and physically healthy.

But if that’s all you focus on over the long-term, what you’re doing is trying to scale intimacy without fixing the underlying architecture.

The underlying architecture? It’s your inner game.

It’s not about more money, gifts, or trips.

You probably already knew that, deep down. 

So what is the inner game? It’s not as flashy, but it’s backed by solid research (40 years of longitudinal studies [Gottman], the neuroscience of desire [Nagoski], and more) into what makes great relationships work.

Just like creating successful startups requires new ways of thinking, taking risks, and careful consideration - so too successful relationships.

Here’s where to start:

1. Practice ‘microflirting’ - small daily gestures that delight her and leave her wanting more
2. Build relationship infrastructure the same way you built company culture: notice what you appreciate about her and tell her, daily (and not just her physical appearance)
3. Communicate in a way she loves - through listening without logic, validation, and curiosity. 
   • A pro move here is to ask: would you like to be heard, hugged, or helped?

(BTW, I teach in-depth about the neuroscience behind point 3 in my courses and 1:1 work).

The inner game is how you get back on the same team again.

Think of this as your relationship MVP - simple but foundational. 

If it were easy, everyone would have a successful exit - or a successful marriage.

I work with 5 successful founders per year who treat their relationship like their most important investment. Application required.

For immediate ROI on your relationship, get my free guide: 12 Principles of True Chemistry for Your Relationship.

If you want to know the secrets to a relationship that stays vibrant, passionate, and fulfilling, year after year…

It’s not about fancy date nights or expensive trips. Research shows that real connection requires something deeper.

​That’s why I’ve distilled the 12 essential principles that show you which variables to experiment with to actually get ROI from your efforts.

​Stop doing what doesn’t work and instead create a life full of love and passion.

Get your free guide here.

(Hat tip to Jonathan Herzog for inspiring the title of this article.)

Dr. Jessica,

xo

Follow me on IG: @drjessicagold and on X: @drjessicagold, and connect with me on LinkedIn: Dr. Jessica Gold, PhD

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Quick Answers: Why Money Alone Won’t Save Your Marriage

Why does success in business often lead to failure in marriage?

Because the mindset that builds companies — relentless execution, optimization, and control — kills intimacy. Relationships require presence, emotional connection, and vulnerability, not just strategy.

Why doesn’t financial success keep my wife interested?

Money, status, and health are attractive foundations, but they can’t replace emotional intimacy. Over time, gifts and trips feel empty if the underlying architecture — your inner game — is weak.

What is “inner game” in relationships?

Inner game means relational skills:

• Microflirting (daily gestures that keep spark alive).
  
  
• Building appreciation into your relationship culture.
  
  
• Listening with empathy instead of logic or defensiveness.
  These skills are the foundation of passion and connection.
  
  

How does relationship stress impact my success as a founder?

Research shows stress at home:

• Lowers decision-making quality.
  
  
• Creates distraction and burnout.
  
  
• Models dysfunction to your kids.
  The ROI of fixing your relationship is as real as any business investment.
  
  

What’s the “pro move” for communication?

Ask: “Would you like to be heard, hugged, or helped?”
This gives her exactly what she needs, instead of defaulting to fixing or defending.

How do I start rebuilding intimacy right now?

1. Notice what you appreciate about her — and say it daily.
   
   
2. Practice microflirting: small touches, inside jokes, playful energy.
   
   
3. Lead with curiosity, not logic, when she shares.
   
   

What’s my next step?

Download my free guide: 12 Principles of True Chemistry for Your Relationship.
It distills 40 years of relationship research into practical tools you can use today.

Get your free guide here.

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