Shelley and Dan* came to work with me after the sex dried up in their marriage of 40 years.
"We started dating as teenagers, in high school," Shelley said.
You might think that it was the 3 kids and menopause that killed their sex life, but actually, it was something else.
For Dan, the enthusiastic higher libido partner, desire was not the problem.
"I was probably too insistent, too fast, too much, for many years" he admitted.
What he wanted was for intimacy to be deeper and more varied.
Shelley agreed, and added, "the sex we have had was always short and predictable."
It just wasn't interesting to her anymore.
But when I asked Shelley what kind of sex would be interesting to her, she said,
"It never occurred to me that I could ask for what I want."
That part haunts me to this day. 40 years of marriage, not once thinking she could ask for what she wanted in the bedroom.
The good news is, they were both game - even in their 60s - to change these patterns - and they did.
Within the safe space of coaching, they were able to talk openly about their desires and fears around sex with each other for the first time.
Shelley finally felt she could ask for what she wanted. And Dan felt free to try new things without worrying about disappointing her.
With this shift in perspective, they were able to give themselves permission to explore new ways of touching, breathing, and being with each other.
In other words: they learned some new tricks.
They discovered the ‘secret’ for how to rekindle your sex life.
They also started delighting each other with flirting and playful games outside the bedroom. “We recaptured some of that spirit and energy we had when we first met,” Dan said.
*client stories are anonymized and created from composites of different cases
If building a business with your partner and scaling empires has dulled the spark in your relationship, here’s a few top tips on how to rekindle your sex life…
Download my free guide on 4 Keys to Passionate Relationships.
Show up as a powerful presence that women love (no more worries about being seen as 'creepy') and fix your ‘upper limit’ so you can actually receive the pleasure and connection you're longing for.
Create high-quality relationships across the board in your life (with your partner, kids, parents, boss, and friends).
Dr. Jessica,
xo
Follow me on IG: @drjessicagold and on X: @drjessicagold, and connect with me on LinkedIn: Dr. Jessica Gold, PhD
It’s rarely just age, hormones, or kids. What kills passion is predictability and unspoken desires. When couples stop communicating about what turns them on, desire quietly dies.
They realized that after 40 years, they’d never actually talked about what they wanted. Once they learned to communicate desires safely, their connection — and attraction — returned fast.
Absolutely not. Research shows erotic energy thrives on curiosity and communication, not youth. When couples learn to explore, flirt, and play again, attraction reignites at any age.
Assuming that sex should just “happen.” Great sex after decades together is built on emotional safety, playfulness, and permission to evolve. You have to keep discovering each other.
Flirt daily. Touch intentionally. Share appreciation. Micro-moments of connection create safety — and safety unlocks desire.
Create space to talk honestly about what you both want. If that feels awkward, start with guided support or exercises that build comfort and curiosity around desire.
Download my free guide: 4 Keys to Passionate Relationships.
It’s your roadmap to reigniting passion, rebuilding connection, and becoming the kind of partner who inspires lasting desire.
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