When you’ve spent the past 2+ decades married, it’s hard to know where to find single women anymore.
Everyone in your pre-divorce friend group was married.
You don’t want to rely on dating apps — those didn’t really exist when you were dating before.
You were successful in your career and your divorce was expensive — you don’t want to make the same mistakes
So… When you’re dating after divorce, where do you meet age-appropriate, growth-oriented, mature single women, IRL?
And if you’re honest, you quietly want to have some fun — you’re not ready to settle down again.
Is it even okay to want that, you wonder?
The good news is: the numbers are in your favor. Data shows that for divorced men over 50, about 40% will remarry or repartner within a decade, while only 25% of women find partners.
And, yes, it’s actually recommended to take your time when dating after divorce, live on your own, and have some fun — as long as you’re upfront about what you’re available for.
You can find, for example, women who are also recovering from divorce and not ready to settle down.
And comforting each other with touch and light-hearted time together is sometimes just what both of you need.
The name of the game today, though, is transparency and honesty. Out with playing games and avoiding directness like we were all taught, back in the day.
That’s the first new dating skill you’d be wise to learn, if you want a woman with a growth mindset.
Meanwhile, once you know where to find single women, you might notice that the actual reality of going from ‘hello’ to ‘should we get a room?’ sounds a little intimidating.
“My ex threw everything at me in the divorce, on top of years of criticism, and my confidence is in the gutter. The years of sexless marriage didn’t help either,” the men I work with tell me regularly.
Not only is your dating game a bit rusty — you might quietly wonder how you measure up as a lover, too.
Plus, you’re not sure that women like or desire men anymore, and you don’t want to hurt anyone.
It’s true that dating today is more of a minefield than ever, and it will test your very mettle. From bots and scams to constant ghosting and inevitable rejections, it’s a rollercoaster of hope and desire mixed with frustration and fear.
Here’s the way out: stay focused on what you know really matters.
As a former scientist, I like to call it the ‘hardware vs software’ mentality.
While the standard dating advice when you were younger focused entirely on ‘hardware’ — ie: is she pretty, do you have similar hobbies, does this relationship bring you status…
What you learned the hard way is that the ‘software’ is exponentially more important in a relationship: emotional stability, growth mindset, communication skills, approach to sexuality, approach to money…just to name a few.
But how do you stay focused on ‘software’ in dating — in the thrill of desire?
I teach it in 3 steps:
On Thursday 25th September, I’m offering a class for men who are dating after divorce next week called Shameless Seduction.
It’s not about tricks or technique.
It’s about real connection — the kind you were missing in your marriage.
Women are hungry for men who do this.
Get back in game and start dating after divorce with a practical class with real-life examples, embodied practice, and an action-plan worksheet.
Click the link here to secure your spot for Shameless Seduction.
See you there.
Dr. Jessica,
xo
Follow me on IG: @drjessicagold and on X: @drjessicagold, and connect with me on LinkedIn: Dr. Jessica Gold, PhD
Because the dating landscape has completely changed. If you were married for 15–20+ years, you didn’t grow up with apps, ghosting, or scams. Add in the hit to your confidence from a sexless marriage or painful divorce, and it’s normal to feel rusty.
Skip endless apps. Look in places where women share your values: professional events, growth-oriented workshops, travel groups, gyms, or divorce support circles. Women over 40–50 are often also looking for mature connection offline.
Yes. Research shows divorced men often re-partner, and it’s healthy to take time before settling down again. The key is transparency — be upfront about what you’re available for so you attract women aligned with you.
Transparency. Stop hiding your desires or playing games. Modern, growth-minded women want men who are direct, clear, and emotionally honest.
Practice grounding in your body and staying present. Confidence doesn’t come from pretending — it comes from clarity, steady energy, and owning your truth without apology.
Focus on the “software,” not just the “hardware.” Choose women with emotional stability, growth mindset, and communication skills — not just beauty or status.
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