Tired of all those articles promising to ‘spice up’ your love life?
Bored with passionate encounters and deep connections?
I put together the ultimate guide to absolutely demolishing your sex life.
Follow these easy steps, and you’ll be on your way to a bedroom as cold as a penguin’s backside in no time!
How to Ruin Your Sex Life
1. Don’t talk about sex: Instead, just be quietly resentful that you’re not getting what you want, and make sure to get defensive if they ask you to change things up.
2. Embrace shame: Hold onto cultural taboos and personal hang-ups about sex. Introspection is for weaklings.
3. Prioritize everything else: Hyper-focus on work, kids, chores, watching tv, and getting stuck talking to that annoying neighbor.
4. Overlook intimacy: Neglect emotional connection, flirting, and non-sexual touch. Who needs foreplay when you can jump straight to disappointment?
5. Neglect self-care: Ignore the importance of feeling confident and comfortable in your own skin. Treating yourself with kindness is just ‘selfish’ after all. Nothing says sexy like poor boundaries and running ragged all the time.
6. Comparison is key: Constantly compare your body and sex life to unrealistic standards set by movies or porn. If it’s not like the big screen, it’s not worth having!
7. Focus on ‘performance’ and forget ‘play’: Set impossibly high expectations for every encounter. Put huge pressure on yourself to ‘get it right’ — definitely don’t be on the same team or have fun exploring pleasure together.
8. Stay in your comfort zone, no matter what. Don’t admit you ‘don’t know’ — learning is for losers. Sex should ‘just be natural,’ so definitely don’t read or study anything about it. You were supposed to have it all figured out by now — except you were also supposed to ‘wait until marriage,’ you slut.
There you have it! 8 foolproof ways to ruin your sex life.
Your comprehensive guide to sabotaging intimacy.
Remember, with dedication to a complete lack of effort, anyone can achieve a disastrous sex life.
Happy ruining!
If you’re looking for more ways to ‘spice up’ your love life — I’ve got a free guide on How to Incorporate Neo-Tantra into Your Sex Life.
If you think you know what ‘tantra’ is — think again.
Get THE manual for tantra you’ve always wanted — for men, women, and everyone.
Dr. Jessica,
xo
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