When your dating game has been on the shelf since before the internet was a thing…
And your wife spent most of your marriage criticizing you, rejecting you, and getting angry when it came to even talking about sex…
It’s normal to need a confidence reboot and an update of the old flirting programs.
And, when you’re coming to dating as a mature man of means, getting dating right is even more important.
You’ll want to avoid these mistakes:
These are mistakes that turn high-caliber, growth-minded women off.
If you are playing it ‘safe’ through being passive, friendly, and hiding your desire, at best you’ll get friend-zoned and at worst you’ll end up in a manipulative relationship with a woman who does not respect you.
When you let nervousness lead, you make fast, mis-attuned moves that can result in every man’s nightmare of crossing a boundary. You’ll generally repel women, or you’ll end up with one who’s equally in her head and not available for the erotic depth you crave.
Women who are worth your time value your clarity about who you are and what you want. This includes clear communication around the dating process.
Don’t avoid hard conversations. It’s understandable to have walls up after a tough divorce. But you’ll want to be able to open a few portals and courageously show yourself.
When dating after divorce, handle any fear of rejection or shame within yourself with curiosity and compassion (there are many methods for this, and they work).
Detach from outcome. Create the reflex within yourself to use your body and breath to slow down and get out of your head — it’s what public speakers and performers are masters of.
Take the time to tend to your relational wounds so that fear of getting close to someone again doesn’t sabotage your life. Examine your unconscious narratives about what it means to be a man. Learn how to judiciously self-reveal in a way that inspires respect.
When you show up with leadership, clarity, and care, you are likely to attract a woman who respects those things.
Those might seem like the hardest things to bring as you recover from a tough marriage and divorce.
See this as the opportunity of a lifetime…
To become the man who is as equally sought-after in his romantic life as he is in the public sphere.
The man you were always meant to be.
Women actually want you to win. Yes! (I know, I know — forget all that media click-bait to the contrary).
We want to feel held in the arms of mature, growth-minded men. We want your steady masculine presence — and the gift of your humor — walking beside us.
How does that already change how you feel about dating, when you consider this mindset shift?
It’s time for some deep love and great sex. Life’s too short.
On Thursday 25th September, I’m offering a class for men who are dating after divorce next week called Shameless Seduction.
It’s not about tricks or technique.
It’s about real connection — the kind you were missing in your marriage.
Women are hungry for men who do this.
Get back in game and start dating after divorce with a practical class with real-life examples, embodied practice, and an action-plan worksheet.
Click the link here to secure your spot for Shameless Seduction.
See you there.
Dr. Jessica,
xo
Follow me on IG: @drjessicagold and on X: @drjessicagold, and connect with me on LinkedIn: Dr. Jessica Gold, PhD
Because your dating skills may be decades out of practice. Add years of criticism or rejection from your marriage, and it’s normal to feel unsure, rusty, or even afraid.
Playing it too safe. When you hide your desire or over-index on being “nice,” you kill attraction. At best you get friend-zoned. At worst you attract manipulative partners who don’t respect you.
You may rush, push too fast, or cross boundaries unintentionally. This repels healthy, self-aware women — and draws women who are equally stuck in their heads and unavailable for real intimacy.
By lowering your armor. Women value clarity. Show who you are, what you want, and how you’re approaching dating. Courageous self-revelation creates trust and respect.
They want leadership, clarity, and care. They respect men who communicate directly, set boundaries with integrity, and bring humor and steadiness into connection.
See dating not as a risk, but as an opportunity: to become the man who is as powerful in love as he is in business. Women actually want you to win — and feel safe in your presence.
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