For a moment, let’s stipulate that these common narratives about relating are ‘right’:
1. Asking for what you want in a relationship is ‘needy’.
2. Revealing how you feel is ‘weak’.
3. Telling your partner how much their affection means to you gives them ‘too much power’ over you.
4. Valuing your needs is ’selfish’.
5. Your partner should just know how to love you and teaching them your ‘owner’s manual’ is lame.
6. Difficult feelings or disharmony are a sign that something is wrong and should be avoided at all costs.
7. Sex should always and forever be spontaneously desired by both of you or else it doesn’t count.
8. Your childhood has nothing to do with how you show up in relationship now.
9. Emotions are a distraction and it’s best to talk your partner out of what they are feeling.
10. Solving problems and giving advice are the best ways to communicate.
11. Every impulse you have should be followed — introspection is for losers.
12. Taking responsibility is paramount to blaming yourself.
What kind of relationship do you end up creating?
One where:
1. You don’t ask for what you want — you just expect your partner to know and get resentful if they don’t.
2. You are always ‘fine’ and you don’t reveal what’s really going on.
3. You create of culture of complaint rather than appreciation.
4. You try to please everyone else at the expense of your own sanity, but eventually lose it and blow up.
5. Your partner overgives things you don’t want and you don’t feel loved because you don’t get what actually lights you up.
6. You keep the peace, at all costs, which isn’t real ‘peace’ because everyone’s got on a facade of ‘fine’ that thinly veils seething resentment and loneliness.
7. Sex doesn’t happen much, or at all.
8. You’re quietly ashamed of your overreactions and judge yourself harshly.
9. You and your partner don’t communicate well.
10. See #9.
11. Your partner avoids you, you feel disconnected.
12. You wait forever for the other person to change because there’s nothing you can do
Sounds terrible, right?
This is why you shouldn't listen to "relationship advice".
Fortunately, modern neuroscience and psychology show us exactly what to do instead.
It’s no secret what works.
Want to unlock more passion in your relationship?
Get my free PDF guide to be irresistible to your woman.
Show up as a powerful presence that women love (no more worries about being seen as ‘creepy’) and fix your ‘upper limit’ so you can actually receive the pleasure and connection you’re longing for.
Create high-quality relationships across the board in your life (with your partner, kids, parents, boss, and friends).
Download your free guide to discover my 4 Keys to Passionate Relationships here.
Dr. Jessica,
xo
Follow me on Instagram: @drjessicagold and on X: @drjessicagold
Because most of it is outdated, fear-based, or rooted in cultural myths — not science. Real connection doesn’t come from pretending you’re “fine” or avoiding conflict; it comes from emotional skill and self-awareness.
Common toxic beliefs include:
Modern neuroscience shows that safety and connection come from emotional regulation, transparency, and mutual responsibility — not from pretending problems don’t exist.
You create a relationship built on performance, not authenticity. Over time, that leads to resentment, sexless marriages, and emotional distance — the exact opposite of what you want.
It’s Jessica’s science-backed approach that blends emotional intelligence, attachment theory, and practical tools for communication and desire. It helps couples stop guessing and start relating consciously.
Swap “asking for what I want is needy” for “clear communication is sexy.” When you reveal your truth without shame, you invite depth, safety, and attraction.
Download my free guide: 4 Keys to Passionate Relationships.
Discover the neuroscience-backed tools to break toxic myths, restore desire, and create a relationship that actually works.
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