Many men I work with conceive of ‘freedom’ as coming from external circumstances:
Freedom from the sexual constraints of monogamy
Freedom from the complaints of your wife
Freedom from chores and the to-do list
Freedom from clients and work demands
Freedom from a packed schedule of driving kids around, working out, and endless meetings
But in tantric practice, we work with a different kind of freedom.
Because we can get freedom from external circumstances, but we bring our mind with us no matter what.
Ever arrived at that beach vacation only to be tormented by work worries and unable to relax in the sun?
There’s a different kind of freedom that is more satisfying and more enduring.
And that’s the freedom that comes from having a space between our thoughts and our actions.
The ability to pause,
be aware of the impulses arising within us,
and choose how to respond with intention -
rather than reacting unconsciously.
Those work worries at the beach? With this inner freedom you can:
Notice what thought loops you’re caught in
Notice what they are pushing you to do
Choose to get support instead of fighting alone and being overwhelmed
Find peace and be present for your time off
I help clients develop this kind of ‘tantric mentality’ to life.
This is something you can carry with you, no matter your external circumstances.
You can find the freedom to choose how you act in the midst of external circumstances that might not feel free at all.
That doesn’t mean those circumstances don’t need to be re-examined eventually.
But it means we spend less time feeling resentful and angry.
And more time focussing on showing up in a way that gets us what we want in life.
(Which might actually change those external circumstances).